"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
Hey lady, I'm like the sun, I go down every night.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
My late father once said
Sorry I’m late.
Because of my rights related to eminent domain, you have to compensate me for stealing my heart.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Hop on board my yellow submarine and I'll make you twist and shout.
You're the only sight I want to see today.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
Genie: "I shall grant you 3 wishes."
Me: "I wish for a world without lawyers."
Genie: "Done, you have no more wishes."
Me: "But you said I had 3!"
Genie: "Sue me."
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
I heard you are a goalkeeper, can you keep me forever?
I found a pen that writes underwater.
It writes other words too.
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
I bet your number sounds even better than you look right now.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What's your name? Because I'll be screaming it all night long.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
What are the 3 rules of Golf? If the ball goes right it's a slice, if the ball goes left it's a hook, and it the ball goes straight it's a miracle.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?
Go to BabaMail
