Do you have my other lung? Because I’ve been LUNG-ing for you.
You look like the morning sun after a long night of darkness.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
Is your name pronounced Ee-an, or Eye-an? I hope it’s the latter cuz I’ve got my Ian you
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
A village somewhere in the Midlands
Was harassed by a bodiless dead man,
But sans charger or steed,
How could they, indeed,
Be afraid of a lone horseless headman?
- Jim Slaughter
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other and says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'”
Claude Pepper
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Have you ever been fishing in Lake Michigan? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Whenever I look at you I see something more desirable than chocolate.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
I Ecuador you.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why is it always cold during Christmas? Because its Decemburrrrrrrr.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Do you wanna come dance with the big bad wolf? [ No! ] Its okay, the other two pigs said no too!
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
They take the psychopath!
You look a lot like my next victim.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Why did my wife cross the road?
To go back to the same shoe shop we went to three hours ago.
Go to BabaMail
