Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.
It wasn't 2b.
More candles means a bigger wish!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ireland!
Ireland who?
Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
My love for you is like an marathon. It goes on and on.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Ever had real cane sugar?
It cannot be beet.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
I’ve learned that milk promotes beauty. But how much have you been drinking so far?
Why are birthdays good for you?
People who have the most live the longest.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
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