Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Why didn't the snowman go to the party?
He had snowone to go with!
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
My space ship is ready. Wanna ride?
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
If you were a sentence, I'd be the punctuation mark because I'd always follow you no matter what.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
I'm pretty sure I was blind before I met you.
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I don’t need to be a doctor to diagnose you with acute smile.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Go to BabaMail
