Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
Have you ever been fishing before? I think we should hook up!
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
On a Halloween night, long ago,
I went trick or treating with Margo;
We went as Jack and Jill,
And our pail we did fill,
Back in the city of Chicago.
Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
I didn't know snow angels could fly as pretty as you skiing.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
“What Yoga really is… Spending an entire hour trying not to fart.”— Anonymous
I just lost my job and may be Baroque, but that doesn't mean I can't show you a good time.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Whoa, Domi-nice pics you got there
My Little Chocolate Mess
Bathwater and bubbles are waiting,
but my child is nowhere near.
Yet, I can see from cookie crumbs,
he's crawled from here to there.
Oh, yes! he's been in the kitchen.
I see his crooked crumb trail,
which leads to our white kitten,
with a chocolate, sticky tail!
In every room I search
for my little chocolate mess.
Then, I find him in the my bedroom,
with his hands on my new dress!
(Darlene Gifford)
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Can you feel our love blossoming into a stable relationship?
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
A talking horse walks into a bar one day.
He goes up to the manager and asks him, "Excuse me, good sir, are you hiring?"
The manager is surprised to see a talking horse and he looks him up and down before saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring. Why don't you try the circus?"
The horse says, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"
Go to BabaMail
