*nurse flips on a light switch*
“The Doctor will see you now.”
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I may not be Mumford, but do you want to have my sons?
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Centipede.
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas tree.
If athletes can get “Athletes foot”, what can astronauts get? Missile Toe.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Where will Kim Jong-un’s ashes be stored?
In a Kim Jong-urn
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
"That's just spam."
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
My little girl just asked for a goodnight kiss on her nose....
I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see!
Your love is so crisp
As wafer in the pack
You know your love is
My favourite snack
Oh, Please I was just kidding
Now, you don’t need to smack.
(Unknown)
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Stay true to your shelf.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
How do animals know when to cross the road?
The chameleon changes from red to green.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
Up to snow good.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Greece!
Greece who?
Are Greece and oil the same thing?
"Are you a witch because you sure got me spellbound."
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be named McStunning.
Go to BabaMail
