I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
There once was a Halloween party
All of the costumes there were naughty
I tried to be cute
Wearing my birthday suit
And won the prize for costume most gaudy.
The highlight of the year for dear old Dad
Was Halloween when treats were to be had
His modus operandi
Son you collect the candy
Snickers for me - licorice for you lad.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
I'm waking up at 5am for hockey. But I would stay up all night for you.
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
You look pretty cool, I hope you don’t lead me Jack to square one
My wife left me because I'm so insecure
No wait.. She's back! She was just getting coffee
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
Beach you to it.
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
Wow, you’re gorgeous. I’m definitely in Awe-stin of you.
Go to BabaMail
