Do you wanna go to a restaurant?
You can't spell “menu” without me and u.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa!
Girl, if we were lymphocytes, you’d be a natural killer.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
You can hold my hand if you're afraid of camp fire stories.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
This coffee is steaming up my glasses or is that just you?
If I get hooked on you, will you hook up with me?
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Statistics are like bikinis.
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one.
Everyone teased the snowman for having a pointy nose, but he didn’t carrot all.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Are you that note I messed up? Because I can’t stop thinking about you.
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
How much will $20 get me?
Hey, girl. Are you a soccer player? Because yuo look like you can play ball even without hands.
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I sulfur when you argon.
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
I have 3 eyes , 2 noses and a mouth. What am I?
Ugly.
Go to BabaMail
