Wanna make out in my Tundra Buggy?
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Are you the opening night? Because you make me nervous.
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
Are you sugar? Because I want you in everything I have.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Hey girl. Feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Husband material.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
There was a young lady of Cork,
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.
He bought for his daughter,
A tutor who taught her,
To balance green peas on her fork.
I've seen a lot of Canada, but you could take me to the top of the world.
You must be the iceberg from Titanic and I'm the ship because tonight we're gonna smash.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Water!
Water who?
Water way to answer the door!
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
Winter is un-brr-lieveable!
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
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