My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
I'd catalog you with the cookbooks because you look delicious.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
Thank you for teaching me about bargaining
It means a great deal.
You are like an electron and I am like a proton. And they say that opposites attract.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I don’t want an apple a day because I don’t want you to go away.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Hey baby, are you my flight? Because I wish I could catch you.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
You're like my tea: Hot and British!
I am a chemist. Want to get together and see the reaction?
The huddle is real
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Owl always love you.
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
Are you the World Cup? ‘Cause I get excited just waiting for you.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Baby, you can drive my car if we let it be.
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
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