How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
I now believe in Angels.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
I hope you're ready to spend some koalaty time together.
On his deathbed, my granddad said to me, "Remember these two words. They'll open a lot of doors for you in life."
"Push and pull."
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I went on a mission trip and all I ended up doing was mission you.
If you know a person's name: "Hi, [name]."
How did you know my name?
"Isn't every beautiful girl named that?"
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don’t know about his brother who did research in monster making...
His name was Frank.
The other day I was lifting weights on the bench press, when I dropped the weight and it fell on my chest. The nurse said I broke three ribs but I would live. Hearing that really lifted a weight off my chest.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who was sadly pursued by a bear;
When she found she was tired,
She abruptly expired,
That unfortunate Lady of Clare.
I just gotta say, you and that dog are looking awfully fetching in your photos.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but you stole my heart.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Are you a volcano? Because I lava you so much!
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
Go to BabaMail
