Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Practice safe text: use commas.
Those aren't sugar plums dancing through my head, it's all you.
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said "I like to bill them later."
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended. The tailor asks, "Euripides?" The professor replies, "Yes. Eumenides?"
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Potato puns are a-peeling.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
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