Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Your eyes are so blue I feel like I'm in the sky when I'm with you.
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
If you were to be as rich as your number, how much are you worth?
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Sea you at the beach.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Baby, you better get out of that express lane, 'cause you're all that *and* a bag of chips.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
I want you. I knead you.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
The direction fields of my heart all point to you.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
I've seen a lot of Canada, but you could take me to the top of the world.
You must be a neuron, cause you’ve got some action potential.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
This is snow laughing matter!
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