What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
They’re, there, their.
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
Wanna partner up so we can test the spring potential of my bed mattress?
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
I’ll bring you roses to our first date so that they can see how beautiful you are.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
“What Yoga really is… Spending an entire hour trying not to fart.”— Anonymous
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
I eat eel while you peel eel
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
This must be decaf, cause you’re just dreamy!
The nurse called me and said, “Under ‘medical history’, we were hoping for something specific to you.”
You wrote down “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
"It's not me, it's you!"
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Easter is grammatically incorrect.
We should say more east.
You and I could totally melt my igloo.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
That’s a nice Witch costume, but you won’t be needing the broom anymore, because you’ve already swept me off my feet.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Also Did you utilize Canada's public healthcare system to help ease that pain?
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Go to BabaMail
