What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
We should get some coffee because I'm liking you a latte.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
“Scientists say the world is made of protons, neutrons, and electrons. they forgot to mention morons.”
Anonymous
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
For a fatty, you don't seem to sweat much.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
I wish I had your number, so I could’ve invited you to dinner last weekend.
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?
Arisotto.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
We fit together like a gitch in a wedgie.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
Girl, I'm jealous of your shirt.
Because it's wrapped around you and I'm not.
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
Are you related to the sun? Because running into you just brightened up my day!
Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one.
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