Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I Got to Get You Into My Life
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Wow Andrew, you seem cool an-drewly gorgeous
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Hey Adam… it’s Adam shame I don’t have your number yet
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I hear you don’t like fractions. So will you let me be your other half?
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
With me with you, anywhere becomes the perfect Champ-site.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
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