Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What is Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly make you a drink
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Alan Dundes
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday.
Then he said "Don't spend it all in one place."
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
There’s something that I need to ask,
I’ve gotta know if it’s true,
Please tell me, are you an email?
Because I want to be attached to you!
Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?
Go to BabaMail
