What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
My space ship is ready. Wanna ride?
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
Did you know I'm the Ronaldo of lovers?
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
The square root of all my fantasies is you.
Are you undressing me with your eyes?!
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Swiped for the dog, stayed for the human.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Hey Bella, looking for a fella?
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so too.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
You run like light. How can I get high-speed access?
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
“We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.”
Antonymous
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
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