The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
What sound does a Greek cow make?
"μ"
You know what they say, wheat fields are made for sowing.
I’m kind of a big dill.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
I wish I had some butter for them biscuits.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Can I hold your hand?
Are you the Godiva store? Because you seem sweet and way too fancy for me.
Do you play hockey? 'Cause I wouldn't mind poke-checking you.
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
I used Brylcreem this morning to slick back my hair like my father used to do. My wife asked me what I was doing.
I said, "I'm having a dad hair day."
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Man: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Woman: No thanks, I don't like small talk.
What's a pun's favorite movie?
It's a Punderful Life!
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Go to BabaMail
