Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
A Halloween bash in my street
was a night that will never repeat
the spirits that come
were tequila and rum
and I ended up drunk on my feet.
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
Who divided his jugular artery;
But he screeched to his wife,
And she said, 'Oh, my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary!'
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
Excuse me, could you point me toward the Self-Help section? I need some advice on how to approach a gorgeous guy in a bookstore without seeming creepy.
Here comes the sun of my life
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
If you were a fishing fly you'd be 'irresistible'.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
Is that a telescope in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Do you wear contacts?! (she says no...) Because your eyes are just so beautiful!
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
When where.
When where who?
Tonight, my place, me and you.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
I hand out couple assists per game, but never landed on a dime like you
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Of all the rocks in the world, I’d pick you.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Are you a pot-head? Because weed be cute together
My game is just like Alexander Keith's: "Those who like it, like it a lot."
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
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