Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Isabella Isabeauty for sure
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
She was afraid someone would Caesar.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data...
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
"Sweet Misery"
When I fell in love with you,
it made a wreck of me.
I feel so dazed and dizzy
that it’s hard for me to see.
I get too hot and sweat a lot.
I hardly eat a bite.
My pulse beats like a kettle drum
and keeps me up at night.
My stomach hurts, and I go down
as if I’ve got the bends.
Love’s causing me sweet misery–
I hope it never ends!
— Susanna Rose
Call me AC/DC, because I'm gonna rock you all night long!
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
There was a young lady named Rose,
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed,
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
So tell me Ian, what’s the most Ian-teresting thing about you?
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Two students talk:
"What are you reading?"
"Quantum physics theory book."
"But why are you reading it upside-down?"
"It makes no difference anyway."
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
I call the shots.
What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms? Santa Claus and his reindeer.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
"What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? Too many attachments!"
- Sadhana Yoga
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
There was an Old Person of Burton,
Whose answers were rather uncertain;
When they said, 'How d'ye do?'
He replied, 'Who are you?'
That distressing Old Person of Burton.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’
Go to BabaMail
