Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Deja brew all over again.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
I think I’m developing tics. I just can’t help but wink at you.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Summer went swimmingly this year.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
I'll be kicking myself if I don't get to know you better.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.
Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.
He was delicious!!
(Shel Silverstein)
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mustache.
Mustache who?
Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat?
Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
What do people in New Mexico eat on thanksgiving?
an Albuturquey
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
Go to BabaMail
