"Bed in Summer"
In Winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle light.
In Summer, quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.
I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people’s feet
Still going past me in the street.
And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?
– Robert Louis Stevenson
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Girl you are looking so Jose-fine in those photos
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
Roses are brown
Violets are brown
Who crapped in my garden?
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Can you hold my gloves for me? I usually wear them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
Hey Girl! Are you a software program?
Because you've been running in my memory all day.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Let me call you my sunshine because you make me so hot.
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
The difference between a GEEK and a NERD.
Geek: "May the force be with you!"
Nerd: "May the force be equal to the mass multiplied by acceleration."
"
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
When I count my blessings, I make sure to count you twice.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
Was that an earthquake or are you rocking this run?
Hey Erin, ever heard that sharin’ is carin’? Care to share a meal together sometime?
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Today, I donated my phone, watch, and $500 to a homeless man. Words cannot describe how happy I felt
When he put his gun back in his pocket
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
Why did the clown cross the road?
To retrieve his rubber chicken.
Wow, of course your name is Alice. Your body is a wonderland
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
"If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard."
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jester
Jester who?
Jester silly old man!
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
Go to BabaMail
