What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Can February March? No. But April May.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
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