What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
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