Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
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