What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.