What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
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