What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
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