Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
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