What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
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