What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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