What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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