Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Can February March? No. But April May.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!