Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I am a mean green machine.
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
Nice pumpkins!
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
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