There’s no trick in these pants.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless.
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
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