You know what they say... Big Feet.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?
Corona actually spreads.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
I am a mean green machine.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless.
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