. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.