Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!