Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.