Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.