What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?