What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.