Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.