What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.