What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.