What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.