How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?