What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.