Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.