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Takes Jokes

Funny Money Quotes

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain

Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme

My dog is quite hip.
Except when he takes a dip.
He looks like a fool,
when he jumps in the pool,
and reminds me of a sinking ship.

Giant Puns

When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.

Gnome Puns

How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!

Funny Work Quotes

“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tableware Puns

You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!

Pot Puns

I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.

I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"

Orange Puns

Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”

What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”

Funny Aging Quotes

"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner

Garden Quotes

Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes

Yard Puns

Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!

Pig Puns

When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.