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Measure Jokes

Worm Puns
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Blonde Jokes
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Snake Puns
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Mosquito Puns
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
Greece Puns
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
Horse Puns
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
Medieval Puns
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Puns
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Friendship Quotes
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
Sheep Puns
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie