Fat Jokes

What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Starts off in the morning, wakes up at six,
Grooms itself using its tongue and licks.
I give it breakfast with a friendly pat.
That's the daily morning of my cat.

Returns for lunch at one o' clock.
Eats milk rice and then goes for a walk.
Sometimes even hunts and catches a rat.
That's the daily afternoon of my cat.

Naps after lunch outside my door.
Sleeps so deeply, perhaps even snores.
Doesn't like the ground; it prefers a mat.
That's the daily evening of my cat.

Wakes up refreshed and comes for dinner.
Does it eat too much? Shouldn't it be thinner?
Eats and sleeps - hope it doesn't get fat.
That's the daily night of my cat.

(M. Tarun Prasad)
I have a cat
A real fat cat
My cat is all black
My black fat cat
It is a cat with a knack
A true fact about my cat
My fat black cat
She has a knack to catch a rat
My all black cat brought me the rat
This is why my cat is a fat black cat
So rats watch your back
From my cat with the knack
Or you will become a snack for my fat black cat

(Colleen Laforme)
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
I can love you more than a cowboy loves a fat calf.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"

The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
You're kind of ugly and fat. Lucky for you, I'm into those things.
How are you still so fat when you've been running in my mind for so long?
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!