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Anyone Jokes

Garden Puns
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Clothes Pick Up Lines
May I tie your shoe?
Because I can't have you fall for anyone else.
Nuts Puns
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Onion Puns
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Food Poems
What do you think
The bravest drink
Under the sky?”
“Strong beer,” said I.

“There’s a place for everything,
Everything, anything,
There’s a place for everything
Where it ought to be:
For a chicken, the hen’s wing;
For poison, the bee’s sting;
For almond-blossom, Spring;
A beerhouse for me.”

“There’s a prize for everyone,
Everyone, anyone,
There’s a prize for everyone,
Whoever he may be:
Crags for the mountaineer,
Flags for the Fusilier,
For English poets, beer!
Strong beer for me!

(Robert Graves)
Meat Puns
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Literary Pick Up Lines
Has anyone ever told you that you look like an ancient Chinese scroll? Because I can't stop looking you up and down.
Food Quotes
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
Funny Aging Quotes
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
Friendship Quotes
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown