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alligator Jokes

alligator Jokes and more.
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
First you got an alligator.

Next came a giraffe.

Lions ride your elevator,

bears hide in your bath.

Bunnies,

chimps,

(a duck?),

raccoons.....

run amok through all your rooms!

Soon, if you don't set them free - there will be no room for me!

(Lycia Harding)
Animal Puns
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Spine Puns
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Frog Puns
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Swimming Across the Tank
There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, piranhas, and many other lethal creatures. The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them three wishes. Nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and partying. Suddenly, there was a big splash. The host looked and saw a man swimming for his life across the tank. Thankfully, he made it across in one piece. The host walked over to the man and said, "Alright - you made it! WOW! What are your three wishes?" The man replied: "First, you see that shotgun of yours? Give it to me. Second, see those bullets over there? Give them to me too. Third, show me the jerk that pushed me in."
Little Johnny and the Alligator
So one day, Grandma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the waterhole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Nurse Puns
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
A Blonde in Louisiana
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
You May Be Old If...
You may be getting older if... When your spouse says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both!” When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot. When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. When going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. When getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today. When “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot. And of course - When an “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee!
Funny Animal Quotes
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”

- John Lyon.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”

- Buddy Hackett.
Animal Pick Up Lines
I'm gonna be on you like alligator on wildebeest.
Pickle Puns
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Crocodile Puns
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Meat Puns
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What Happened to the Alligators?
While sports fishing off the Florida coast in Key West, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber walking on the shore, the tourist shouted, “There wouldn’t by chance be any alligators in these waters?!” He asks in panic. “No,” the old man hollered back, “haven’t been any for years!” Feeling relieved, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway toward shore he asked the old man, “Say, how’d you get rid of the gators, anyway?” “We didn’t do anything,” the old man said. “The sharks got ’em.”
One Liners for Kids
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
The Lion's Birthday Party
Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane? A: 99. Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge. Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fridge? A: Open the fridge, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the fridge. Q: Today is the lion king’s birthday party. All animals except for one arrive. Which animal is missing and why? A: The elephant is missing because he is still stuck in the fridge. Q: Sally must cross an alligator-infested river in order to safely make it out of a huge jungle. Usually, the alligators would kill any animal that approaches their waters. However, Sally makes it across safely. Why? A: All the alligators are at the lion king’s birthday party. Q: Unfortunately, Sally still dies. How did she die? A: She was hit in the head by a falling brick.
The Moment Has Finally Arrived
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!" The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"