What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.