I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.