What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?