What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.