Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!