What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"