How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.