The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement