The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal